Random Facts About Jack Bauer

Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

The State of the Union Address was originally scheduled for Monday night. Jack Bauer made the President change it to Tuesday.

Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

When Jack Bauer pisses in the wind, the wind changes direction.

Jack Bauer has shot more men in the face than Elton John.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?

James Bond has a license to kill. Jack Bauer doesn't need any licenses.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

Bullet proof vests wear Jack Bauer for protection.

Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

If you send someone to kill Jack Bauer, the only thing you accomplish is supplying him a fresh set of weapons to kill you with.

Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're fucked.

Jack Bauer knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

Jack Bauer sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesusí birthday. Jesus was too scared to correct Jack Bauer and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

Jack Bauer can touch MC Hammer.

Jack Bauer once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Jack Bauer frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Jack Bauer.