Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are
conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel
like carrying you.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded
gun and won.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill
terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct
result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact,
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle
Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove
to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow
wristbands are gay.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's
because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait,
that is a real fact.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with
"< Jack Bauer".
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes