Random Facts About Jack Bauer

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

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